What is “spam?”

Spam (n): 1 – A lunchmeat product created by Hormel that made it’s debut around World War II.
2 – Unsolicited email or posting advertising a product or a service.
Spam (v): To send unsolicited email or to post an unsolicited advertisement of a product or service.

The most common question: “how do I get rid of spam?”

First of all, I’m not going to bore you with the history of Spam – for that go to http://www.spam.com/ (which, from a personal point of view, is not boring at all but outrageously hysterical – take note of those cheesy flash dudes – that’s a riot, but then again, that’s my sense of humour). Nor am I going to explain the origin of the term, with regards to that unwanted email. Why? Because nobody seems to actually know. Theories abound on the Internet, but the actual reason for its usage is contentious.

The most popular argument is that it doesn’t come from the Hormel product but from the famous sketch by the Monty Python’s Flying Circus television show’s classic “spam” sketch. For those of you who have been living in a cave for the past forty years, it goes like this:

A couple (the man played by Eric Idle and the woman played by a cross-dressing Grahame Chapman) go into a restaurant. The waitress, played by another cross dressing Python (Terry Jones, in this case) tells them that they can order:
“…egg and bacon; egg sausage and bacon; egg and spam; egg bacon and spam; egg bacon sausage and spam; spam bacon sausage and spam; spam egg spam spam bacon and spam; spam sausage spam spam bacon spam tomato and spam…or Lobster Thermidor au Crevettes with a mornay sauce served in a Provencale manner with shallots and aubergines garnished with truffle pate, brandy and with a fried egg on top and spam.”

Meanwhile, a troupe of Vikings (or is that a “mob” of Vikings) in the background, start singing the praises of spam. And it goes a little something like this:
“Spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spaaam, lovely spam”

Troupe? Mob? Well, they’re definitely Vikings at any rate. They’re dressed like Vikings and later the waitress shouts out “Shut up! [they shut up] Bloody Vikings!” I think that’s a hint.

So what does this have to do with the Internet? Well, I’m glad you asked (even though you didn’t – I did). As you all know (unless you’ve been living in a cave for the last fifteen or so years) the term “spam” is a colloquialism used to describe those useless bits of junk mail that you get in your emailinbox. It can also refer to unsolicited advertising posts on blogs (although that’s a later contrivance) and generally anything unwanted and repetitive.

Almost everyone agrees that the term originated from the Monty Python sketch, rather than the actual lunchmeat product, but the experts disagree on why this is the chosen term for our Internet woes. Some argue that the term “spam” was picked to describe the fact that the spam that you get in your email box is repetitive like those “bloody Vikings” singing about spam. Others say it’s because it’s relentless like … well … those bloody Vikings singing about spam. Yet another argument says that it’s because you can’t get what you want, like the poor old woman (played by Grahame Chapman) who doesn’t like spam and when she asks for “egg, bacon, spam and sausage without the spam” gets a disgusted “Urgghh!” from the waitress and another chorus of “spam, spam, spam” from those “bloody Vikings.” Clearly, it’s a mixture of all three which is probably why the term “spam” is so adept at describing that delicious spiced lunchmeat you find so often in your inbox.

So, how to get rid of it. It’s quite simple, really. Take your computer, unplug all of the cables, put it in a cardboard box and put it out in the alleyway for the garbage collectors. There you go. Easy enough. It sounds like I’m being frivolous, but that really is the simple truth. Or just unplug your computer from the Internet (if you have a wireless connection, turn off the wireless card – contact your computer provider for further instructions).